Thoughts

It’s been almost two weeks since I posted the blog about changes that will be happening on this site. While setting a schedule has forced me to write regularly, I feel like my thoughts have been diluted over the past two weeks.

I have had a great series of posts in this initiative, but I don’t feel like each was truly well written, and I didn’t put my energies fully into each, due to the “oh, it’s scheduled, I have to get something out there” mentality.

Being almost seven months clean, I have found that my mind is starting to race again with thoughts of all the things I can, and should, be doing. While blogging has become a passion of mine, I almost have started to feel like a robot when it comes to finding subjects to blog about, and pushing out updates regardless of the quality.

While my GTD system has been working keeping track of what I need to do, I seem to be unable to adapt to the idea that I need to rely on it in order to figure out what I should be doing on a minute-by-minute basis.

This is all compounded by the changes that my body has been going through over the past few months. Not changes in a weird, awkward, sexual way, but changes in mentality and overall health. I have not been losing much weight, even with the best of intentions, mostly due to my impulsive nature that I have not been able to shake.

Also, I have been plagued over the past two weeks with a seriously debilitating headache which leaves me feeling unproductive and downright shitty. These headaches are fairly constant, and seem to happen everyday around the same time, regardless of my activities for the day. Though I do spend a large amount of time in front of a computer, which may cause its own problems, even on days where I don’t see a computer screen I get the same results.

Aside from the physical symptoms, I have also had quite a hard time with the psychological symptoms. I have been increasingly scatter-brained. I often find myself going to one section of my house with an explicit purpose, getting lost in another thought, and finally arriving with no idea of why I changed locations. Now, this could all be because I have been noticing my own habits more and more, but it could also indicate one of many other things. My medication has been increased, and it seems like this has all happened after the increase. This may not have a causal relationship, but the possibility still stands.

So, I’m not going to be following a set schedule as I have over the past two weeks, and will just strive to post something worthwhile that I’ve put my attentions on in an everyday fashion.