Tag Archives: weight watchers

The Business of Sickness

As I take a look back on my life, I am under the impression that I am in the “Business of Sickness.”

WTF Does That Mean?
Well, the way I see it, everything I’ve had a vice with over the past 10-15 years has caused me to feel ill. When I was a child, I used to lie incessantly. I still lie to this day. I have since learned to try to control these urges to keep things secret, but it still makes me physically ill today when I am caught up in a lie.

I started using various substances in high school. Although I didn’t really drink much, I did get into other things. This lasted for a while, too long if you ask me. Now that I’m getting better, I’ve seen a HUGE difference in my well-being and overall outlook on life. I don’t generally feel sick anymore.

Now that I’ve been 6 months clean, I am finding out that I have, and have had for a long time, two other vices that took a backseat to the main disease of my addiction. And yes, these too make me feel sick when I am a victim to a craving.

Smoking cigarettes has haunted me for the past few years of my life. I had gone a few years without smoking directly after high school, but had fallen into it again when my addiction came back full force. Though I didn’t notice it when I was using, I’m now realizing that I’m really being eaten up by this unhealthy, and quite frankly stupid habit.

I’ve been trying to cut down and quit, but it does not seem to be working lately. Things like stress, peer influence, and an general malaise has caused me to keep coming back to the death sticks. Every time I light up a cigarette, I feel like an idiot, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

My last vice is food. I’ve been a member of the Weight Watchers program for more than a year now, and have lost about 30 pounds overall. Now, while I was in active addiction, it was very easy for me to go long periods of time without eating, as I had more pressing matters to attend to.

Now that I’m clean, I’m finding it harder and harder to resist the temptation of high-calorie foods. Whether out of boredom, or lack of self control, this is a very hard habit for me to break. And, of course, when I do eat way too much bad stuff, I not only gain weight, I also feel really cruddy afterward.

So, like I said, I feel lately that I’m in the “Business of Sickness.” I need to get out and exercise, and cut out the absolutely idiotic habit of smoking. This way, maybe, I can begin to lead a truly healthy life, and my mind will work in an optimal fashion.

Now where was that self control and motivation I lost? I know it’s around here somewhere.

Stub Projects and Time Management

If you know me personally, you certainly know that I have some trouble managing my time. The way my brain works makes my attentions turn to certain pursuits over others, sometimes without a conscious thought on my behalf.

With this type of ‘disability’ comes a lot of loose ends, as well as issues involving relationships with customers, family and friends. Though I’m actively attempting to change my habits, things never seem to stick.

The way my passion works is a burst of sudden energy toward one topic, and my attentions can seem infinite and without speed bumps. Without fail, once the passion fades, I’m left with an empty husk where productivity should be, and things get left to rot in the background of my ever-changing mind. Truthfully, my mind is a scary place to live, with thousands upon thousands of connections running from one topic to a seemingly disparate topic of an entirely separate persuasion.

That being said, truly there are projects out there which I have started (quite a few come to mind, *cough* ZTTC *cough*) and are truly just relics of the spaghetti that is my thought process.
[A quick word about the irony of this post. I started writing this on Thursday, August 28th, and only made it to this point.]

So, I’d like to list a few of my projects here, with some brief descriptions so that I can get things in order, and make small strides forward in each of their processes.

  1. DiggNitty – This was a project that never made it anywhere, as using the name of Digg in any new service is against the copyright holder’s rights. DiggNitty was to be started as the “nitty gritty” version of Digg, with more adult-themed sections and stories. I was told very amiably that I could not use the name “Digg” in my site, and I’ve come to terms with the idea that they are just trying to protect their rights. Diggnitty.com expires today, and I am going to let my hold on the domain lapse. If someone out there wants to try their hand with this, be my guest.
  2. Nostrus – Nostrus was to be a blog and content management system for websites. I started this project in 2005, but after seeing how much spam can build up on a homebrew system, and running into enough other issues, it was abandoned. I just use WordPress now, and stop worrying about the underlying code of the site. Nostr.us expires on September 16th, and I’m unsure whether I want to keep it around for a future project, or just release it back to the wild, saving a few dollars a year in the process.
  3. The Third Realm – The Third Realm was to be the home of Jaycen Poole’s artwork and rants. For a while, it ran the Nostrus software. After switching a few different servers, it was sidetracked, and no new content was being produced. Jaycen has expressed the desire for a new blog under a different domain name. Most likely, I will set it up using WordPress, thereby making things a lot easier for everyone.
  4. Radioactive Computers – I guess you could say that this is the granddaddy of all of my failed projects. Radioactive Computers was a company that I started with a coworker in 2004. We did desktop support for individual and business customers, as well as running a hosting business with a dedicated server. We also began running a Half Life 2: Deathmatch server, and created a fully-functional stats system with an online profile and forums. This effort created the Radioactive Clan (rAc) which is still active today.

    After operating for about 2 years, the losses we were taking with the dedicated server were starting to hit home. Both of us had fulltime jobs and growing families to take care of, so things became stagnate, and the business was lost. The forums on the original site are still available in a read-only format.

  5. Benjam.us – This was simply to be a place to post pictures of my son, for our families to see. A set of about 20 pictures were posted, and nothing ever came of it. I still plan on doing something with this domain, but it’s unclear what at this point.
  6. Amjebin – This domain never had a clear project associated with it, but I still own it nonetheless. At one point, it was a wiki for me to keep track of things I was working on, but it became way too cumbersome for its own good.
  7. I’m A Big Fat Loser – Before I joined Weight Watchers, I was trying to figure out a great way to lose weight, and create some sort of fun project along with that goal. Originally, I was going to try to make a wager with the world, and bet that I could lose 50 pounds in some crazy short amount of time, and thereby win some sort of reward. Alright, that’s kind of a weird idea, right?

    Although I have lost 25 pounds with Weight Watchers, I’m still 33 pounds away from my realistic goal weight. I think if I can grab some more time, I might do this blog again, and try to at least chronicle my normal weight loss and keep track of my points and exercise and weight loss-oriented thoughts.

  8. Western Maryland Think Tank – The Western Maryland Think Tank was going to be an invite-only forum for contemplating the large ideas for life, as well as the small things affecting life in this area. It existed for a small time, but eventually faded into dust. I would love to get this started up again, as I’ve recently resumed contact with a few of my intellectual friends.
  9. Cranial Constructs – This is a new recruit to my army of incomplete ideas. Cranial Constructs was to be a repository of some of my best ideas, so that I could put the ideas out into the world. The thought was that because I’ve been getting less and less time to complete things, if I put the ideas out there in an open source type fashion, someone can pick them up and get them done, paying great justice to the concepts, without need for copyright, trademark and patent disputes on my end.It became painfully obvious, while I was trying to put the concepts into words and simple artwork, that each idea needed much more love than I was able to give it at the time. I’m not going to include these projects in this roundup, but maybe I’ll go over them at a later date.

This is pretty much all of the ones that I feel comfortable sharing at this point. But just from memory, I can think of at least 6 or 7 others that have been partially done with great enthusiasm, only to meet the wrong side of a backup folder.

I think I might do a spotlight series of posts, focusing on a new idea in each, and including bits of already completed work in order to try to work through things a bit better. But, as I’ve said earlier in the post, most of the time I can’t be arsed to complete much of anything.